I'm finding I have writer's block. Or just maybe very little to say. Or that the things I am thinking about I don't want to say. Or that I'm a really bad writer and I'm just starting to figure this out.
I'm sort of wrapped up at the moment in the fear that I could miscarry, because it is common in the first trimester and because I got away scott-free without it the first time around (so, like, I OWE the universe something or whatever), and because a miscarriage in my case would imply that to get back to knocked up land I would need to amble down the long and tough road of FETs or more IVFs, and the whole thing is exhausting even to think about.
So I'm trying NOT to think about bad things. But I'm finding that that is where my little brain tends to take me, and so turning that bit off seems to mean that I must also turn the writing bit off.
To offer up some GOOD news, however, my 3rd hormone level check yesterday revealed that I have skyrocketing estrogen and progesterone levels, all good things that indicate this embryo thingy is here to stay. Also it indicates that I can start weaning myself off the progesterone suppositories and the estrogen patches, the latter of which look too similar to nicotine patches not to be funny. This development is good for 2 reasons (in addition to being good news in general):
1) my underwear might soon be free of enormous amounts of goo. Oh my god, the goo. It is like a period but white. It...it is foul. I am so sorry to be TMI about this. I don't regret not choosing the PIO route, because the idea of painful shots in my ass every day is even less appealing, but these supplement things, they are not all utopia either.
2) I can stop spending $250 every 2 weeks to keep up the progesterone habit. That is like injecting a $5 bill into my vagina 3 times a day. It is like I am paying childcare for two children right now, and personally I think there should be a discount when 1 of them is completely fed and cleaned up by my insides. If anything, I should be paying MYSELF to grow this kid.
Anyway, that's about all I can muster for today. More later, when I stop thinking dreadful thoughts about things I shouldn't be thinking about.
Friday, September 19, 2008
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2 comments:
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I went into premature labor. I had to use those progesterone suppositories for months. I HATED them. Ugh. The expense, the waiting around at the compounding pharmacy while they made something they KNEW you were going to stick in your vag. Humiliating.
So, I'm crossing my fingers that you get to stop using them ASAP.
You def. don't owe the universe a miscarriage. You paid your dues already.
The hubby and I plan on being reimbursed for our IVF cost from our son or daughter when they are born. They will be mowing the lawn and taking babysitter jobs until they are senior citizens to pay us back. I guess coming straight from the womb with a $15K debt is a rough way to start your life....nah...
Glad things are going well!
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